Spring Cleaning

I am Spring Cleaning... this is Wikipedia's definition of Spring Cleaning:

Spring cleaning is the practice of thoroughly cleaning a house in the springtime. The practice of spring cleaning is especially prevalent in climates with a cold winter.
The most common usage of spring cleaning refers to the yearly act of cleaning a house from top to bottom which would take place in the first warm days of the year typically in spring, hence the name. However it has also come to be synonymous with any kind of heavy duty cleaning or organizing enterprise. A person who gets their affairs in order before an audit or inspection could be said to be doing some spring cleaning.

As, I said...I have been Spring Cleaning. Recently, currents affairs here in this country where I live overshadowed this household task. In fact, for me everything kind of came to a screeching halt. The bombing of the Boston Marathon was such a senseless tragedy to me. It was pointed out by well meaning, good people on my facebook post that this kind of senseless violence happens all over the world all the time. Indeed, my very own husband came home saying much the same.These sentiments only frustrate and make me angry... not because I don't care about the rest of the world because I do. But rather like someone who is trying her best to keep time with the music, their clapping wasn't to my beat...it was out of sync with my heartbeat. My heart was beating for Boston, my heart was beating for an eight year old boy, for his mother, his sister and his father. For all those who were killed or hurt that day.  In fact, I can say I have been keenly aware of my heartbeat all during this past week. I am trying to dance to the music ( all the outside voices) that I am hearing all around me...so far, not very well.It is difficult for me to hear everyone right now.

I have been running. Trying to get my out of shape 55 year old body ready for a 5K. On Tuesday, I ran and cried so hard that I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. Without too much melodrama here...I wondered if my heart would just completely miss a beat and I might collapse as I struggle to run and breathe and keep a heart going a thump... thump... thump...  My steps were out of time, my sobs off tune and yet I kept running.I must have been a mess as a stranger asked "Are you okay?" I nodded as I went by.

 The loss of children is particularly sad to me. The fact that the men who are suspected of doing this are so young has only made me more sad. The way many of my "facebook" friends have responded has further made me sad. When I am so sad and don't know what to do...I ask  others to pray with me. Those who don't know how to pray or don't believe in it...think I need to listen to their voices.

But, back to Spring Cleaning...I need what is essential not frivolous. I need to feel light, see light, be in the light. I mean this literally and figuratively. I am taking stock of stuff. Does this still work? Do I need this? Would someone else find use or joy out of this object? In the midst of it...I took stock of me. How can I be of use? How can I be a joy? Do I still work at being good at who I am or am I trying to be what others want me to be?  I need to run my own race at my pace...humming my own tune while tuning others out.

I wish all the world peace. I pray for the world's peace. But, today my heart beats for my part of the world.

Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9