What Was Waldo Thinking?

I remember fondly looking for Waldo in all the children's books "Where's Waldo?" as it was an amusing way to pass the time as we traveled...and we traveled quite a bit as I grew up. My father was in the Navy, which means we were all in the Navy and when he was transferred...we were all transferred. I got  used to being the "New Kid" in town as I traveled with my family in tow and we all felt like we were "all in this together". The books, which I think the British version is called "Where's Wally?" remind me of a time of travel, future uncertainties and a hideous red and white striped sweater that stood out usually like a "sore thumb"!

I would open the books and think..."Where's Waldo?" and mumble later...when I got older, as a pre-teen "Where's Waldo going now?"  personifying his experience as my own. It's that memory that has me asking "What was Waldo thinking?" meaning me..."What was I thinking?"

The simple answer is every move I dreaded. I, as a child, teenager and an even now as an adult dislike change. I love to travel and to see new things but I always want to return home. I think of this now as we settle in Virginia living in temporary housing while we decide what home to build. I feel a little "not part of the picture" and  a little like I am wearing a "Red and White Striped Shirt" in a room full of plaids and florals. This longing for a place to settle with familiar people, familiar landscape and my familiar things is not a new feeling for me...I remember the times of my childhood where I craved my "home".

I think now about what our new home will look like...Will it be a lovely red and white striped beach house perched on the side of a mountain? Will that feel like home? Or will I settle into my new surroundings and crave a mountain cabin of lovely florals and plaids?  Will that look like home? Maybe...I should build something new and modern befitting "The New Kid" in town.

I don't know... and Waldo is not saying.

Color Me Shades of Gray

I am no longer a Floridian, no longer working and no longer warm. (Virginia is cooler than I remember.) I am also no longer a person who believes in blacks and whites ...it's not the colors or  the races that I am thinking of  but rather those absolutes of certainty that I had of my youth. I was recently  in a class where a young women of about 20 or so spoke her mind...I loved listening to her as she was so certain of her opinion, certain she was right...and I felt a mixture of envy and admiration, well, maybe admiration and THEN envy. I loved her excitement at knowing she was right.

I wonder if the more we color our hair to cover our gray the more we lose our ability to see only black and white issues...I wonder if that is where the gray creeps back into our lives. I wonder if I stop coloring my hair...will I be the woman who believes the absolutes of my youth again...like the young women I admired so much. For some reason  I keep thinking of the line from Billy Joel's song "...when I wore a younger man's clothes."

  No...I don't think that's it ...So, even though I color my gray hair...I want to keep my gray thinking these days...as people say they have earned their gray hair...I HAVE earned my gray thinking. I am happier NOT having all the answers and NOT judging everyone wrong or right. I don't know all the answers but I am not afraid to ask the questions and I am not afraid to say I don't know.  The Ronda who were the younger girl's clothes wasn't able to do that. Very freeing...but I am going to still color my gray hair for awhile longer!

Back to the Future

     I left my job May 13, 2011 and on May 19th I got in my car and drove to the small town in Virginia where my husband was already living and working. He and I had  begun our marriage there ...almost 34 years ago and now I was returning. My car looked nothing like a DeLorean and I, nothing like Marty McFly but Back to the Future is where I landed. When my Hubby and I first arrived in this town, we were young newlyweds and we thought sincerely this was where we would live and breed. When I did unexpectedly become "An Expectant Mother"...and that sweet baby arrived all those ideas changed! I wanted to be in Florida, where my family was and still is... and I wanted "that" life. My Hubby wanted ME...so, he went along with my decision. Because he did that for me ...I felt like it was important to support him now in his decision to  accept a job in Virginia and build on land that has been in his family for many years. We have left all of our grown children, their children, my parents,siblings, grandmother and a church family that we felt blessed to be a part of...to start a new life. That life, this new life seems so much like "The Life we might have had..."
     Everywhere I look I see the past...buildings are the same, businesses are the same...even the land, we left seemed to quietly wait our return! Everything is different and yet, the same. We first arrived as Newyweds and now return Empty Nesters. In the places we visit we see our young lives beginning ...except the mirror... it is  there we see that we have already had our beginning. Everything is different and yet, the same! That image in the mirror asks question after question..."Did we make the right decison in leaving?" "Did we make the right decison in returning?" "Did we make the most of our time away?" "Will we make the most of our return?"  So far, the image hasn't any answers...just a reflection of hope for our plans for our Future!

Yes, Virginia...there is a Ronda!

Last election I voted for change...not sure I got much change in the political arena but I did get a whole lot of change in my personal life and it would seem I have a whole lot more to come!

The changes that have already happened...Our family business is no more, our adult children all found work that was meaningful and rewarding. I found a job and a group of people I enjoyed working with and for! My husband however did not find work...for a very long time!  But, that also has recently changed...and after he had wall papered the country with his resume he did find a job in a small town, in Virginia, where we ironically, lived as newlyweds.

Another big change for us...After attending our church for almost 20 years we realized that churches' future direction and ours weren't the same. This was a "beyond painful" realization and took a great deal of  prayer on our part to make the decision to leave and join another church, a church that had a passion for the mission we felt very passionate about.We did this, only to discover that we would be leaving that church to move to Virginia. Hubby joked if we had only waited to leave..."They'd have baked us a cake, Ronda!" But, the spiritual journey my husband and I had making this decision was priceless as a couple. God was present for us and we do feel blessed now because  we tried to be faithful to what God wanted for us. It's always easy to say this in hindsight, I struggled mightily during that time!  

So, currently Hubby lives in a small town in Virginia and I live in a not-so-small town in Florida...which is a change neither of us would have voted for but yet...Here we are...or Here I am and there he is!

I am leaving a job I enjoy, family I adore, weather that is perfect and a life that was what was "supposed to be" to live in... Virginia...to be Bob and Ronda, in Virginia. I don't know what other changes are in store for us but we will see them together side by side. 

It's a Family Affair!

My commitment to myself was to get back to blogging so I was startled to say the least when I went to sign in and my blog looked as messy as my house! I couldn't remember how to update anything and I had to even think for  moment what my password was.  There was a time I blogged everyday and a "gang" of us "hung" out each morning "listening" to each other. (That's a lot of air quotes, if you are reading this out aloud!)

I miss those times and I have become nostalgic for a few other times as well. I, no longer have my own business and while I do miss some aspects of having my own business for the most part ...I am happy doing what I am doing now. There are times I miss working with my family very much, mostly because they were  great and are my actual family!

Last week while working an event, I saw a woman I worked with for 10 years, long before we started  our own business and I was moved almost to tears...I know all of the time that I worked there couldn't have been perfect...I was a full time working mother, so I was beyond stressed, busy, tired and guilty! But, there she was reminding me about herself and a group of people who were to me like family.

My Hubby and I have more changes in store for us, some we have chosen and others thrust upon us like a rogue wave at the beach.. I have come to believe that you can remember friends and family, whether it be your actual family, bloggy family, work family or former church family fondly while embracing the new changes...the alternative is a lot of disappointment! That's not how "my family" operates!

That Girl Rocks the Dress too!

Happy Anniversary!! I love the dress and the Groom is cute too!

33 years ago, this Friday...I Married a Really Cute Guy!

This is my favorite picture ever taken of me, including my wedding day... I frankly, rocked that dress! I love the way my husband looks, I love the expression he is making, our youngest son makes the exact same modest smile. The picture was taken at our daughter's wedding and the next day we flew to California and stayed at the Ritz Carlton to celebrate our anniversary.

That was a pretty good day! I WOULD like to have that day over and over!

I have so many things I NEED to blog about but I haven't...so odd that I would use such a public forum to maintain my sanity and clearly if you look at the frequency of my current blogging you would wonder about my mental state. Big changes have been made in my life and still bigger ones to come...

I am currently taking my life on a minute by minute basis... I don't think  that means I am doing badly because for a woman who likes to plan her life down to what she will wear two weeks from now...I am making great strides in just "not knowing" what the future holds for me.

All that I know, really know is that man will be with me! Happy Anniversary, honey...see you then!