Stop me if you heard this one before...
If only this was the start of a really funny joke and I had a really funny punch line to follow but alas...I do not.
I did have the best of intentions with blogging again and I DID think I had found my voice...turns out it was more of a whine. Who wants to hear that? Who wants to wead "Wonda's Whines"? I am 53 years old, well, almost 54 and frankly, life hasn't turned out like I thought it would. THAT'S not the problem, as we did have a Plan B...but the problem is I don't think I care for it. Maybe we should adopt a Plan B .5 version.
Back to my post title...So...A Girl Walks into the Woods. The girl is me and I walk in the woods a.lot. We live on 150 acres with a few family owned houses sprinkled on them. We moved here after all the construction work in Florida went away and as that is what our company did...we didn't have much to do! So, with not so much to do my husband accepted a job offer in Virginia. I followed 5 months later and that was a year ago. We had planned on building a house here because it is BEAUTIFUL here...but I have discovered that I may not like solitude as much as I should. During the winter months...I was cold. COLD. I know others weren't, I know it was the mildest winter in recorded history. I don't care...I was COLD. It doesn't help my situation that my husband wasn't cold and he loves it here so-so-so much...that he sings "I'm in heaven"! See, I don't even have a catchy song to sing back for "No... you...the hell aren't"!
In my solitude ( as I have not gone back to work) I read, walk in the woods, facebook-like-crazy, google+... some, and seriously ignore twitter and pinterest. I tutor young readers (love that) and volunteer for my church family. I have started running and while not good...I am proud of it as frankly...I am old... but I am RUNNING. My point is I am trying...I am a praying person as my faith is very important to me, I practice Yoga and Meditation. But yet...this quiet sadness washes over me, pinning me down...stopping me in a current of water flowing against my path. Is that normal? When I run...I think my daughter-in-my-heart would be proud of me! When the child I tutor says something "bitter-sweetly" funny...I think "Rob would have said that when he was little". When I see wee little ones...I think always, of my beloved grandchildren. Everywhere I look...my former life and my family peek and push their way through. I miss them. I don't have the words to express my feelings. I thought I would have a different life. I am too old to have a temper tantrum...I am... right? So, I run, read, pray, do yoga and meditate. I also, drive to Tampa, Florida...VERY, VERY, MUCH!
This was my facebook status this morning:
When you are feeling "Blue" or "Down in the dumps" (what does that mean?) What do you do to make yourself feel better again?
It seemed to resonate with others...some great suggestions. One of the suggestions was medication. I haven't ruled it out. I will try blogging...and possibly a part time job. I know I am blessed...and I know who I belong to. I will keep you posted.