Wednesday, May 2, 2012

So... A Girl Walks into the Woods...

Stop me if you heard this one before...

If only this was the start of a really funny joke and I had a really funny punch line to follow but alas...I do not.
I did have the best of intentions with blogging again and I DID think I had found my voice...turns out it was more of a whine. Who wants to hear that? Who wants to wead "Wonda's Whines"?  I am 53 years old, well, almost 54 and frankly, life hasn't turned out like I thought it would. THAT'S not the problem, as we did have a Plan B...but the problem is I don't think I care for it. Maybe we should adopt a Plan B .5 version.

Back to my post title...So...A Girl Walks into the Woods. The girl is me and I walk in the woods a.lot. We live on 150 acres with a few family owned houses sprinkled on them. We moved here after all the construction work in Florida went away and as that is what our company did...we didn't have much to do!  So, with not so much to do my husband accepted a job offer in Virginia. I followed 5 months later and that was a year ago.  We had planned on building a house here because it is BEAUTIFUL here...but I have discovered that I may not like solitude as much as I should. During the winter months...I was cold. COLD. I know others weren't, I know it was the mildest winter in recorded history. I don't care...I was COLD. It doesn't help my situation that my husband wasn't cold and he loves it here so-so-so much...that he sings "I'm in heaven"!  See, I don't even have a catchy song to sing back for "No... you...the hell aren't"!

In my solitude ( as I have not gone back to work) I read, walk in the woods, facebook-like-crazy, google+... some, and seriously ignore twitter and pinterest. I tutor young readers (love that) and volunteer for my church family. I have started running and while not good...I am proud of it as frankly...I am old... but I am RUNNING. My point is I am trying...I am a praying person as my faith is very important to me, I practice Yoga and Meditation. But yet...this quiet sadness washes over me, pinning me down...stopping me in a current of water flowing against my path. Is that normal? When I run...I think my daughter-in-my-heart would be proud of me! When the child I tutor says something "bitter-sweetly" funny...I think "Rob would have said that when he was little". When I see wee little ones...I think always, of my beloved grandchildren. Everywhere I look...my former life and my family peek and push their way through. I miss them. I don't have the words to express my feelings. I thought I would have a different life. I am too old to have a temper tantrum...I am... right? So, I run, read, pray, do yoga and meditate. I also, drive to Tampa, Florida...VERY, VERY, MUCH!

This was my facebook status this morning:
When you are feeling "Blue" or "Down in the dumps" (what does that mean?) What do you do to make yourself feel better again?

It seemed to resonate with others...some great suggestions. One of the suggestions was medication. I haven't ruled it out. I will try blogging...and possibly a part time job. I know I am blessed...and I know who I belong to. I will keep you posted.

10 comments:

ADVERSE! said...

sounds like your doing all the right things in your new world... kinda scary when everything changes... adjusting i find takes time.. the whirlwind of an emotional rollercoaster and feelings of sadness are awfull when your in the midst of them.. missing loved ones is natural and as for haveing a temper tantrum lol your NEVER too old for one of those... maybes it would get it out your system..

Ronda's Rants said...

I had not thought about being scared...perhaps that is it too! Maybe as I run...I can imagine having a temper tantrum as I pound the road :)

Karen said...

Now that's what I'm talkin' about! You are not only a girl who walks into the woods, but you are a girl who knows how to blog on the serious side but still with a touch of humor. Bloom where you are planted. I could pray for your uprooting, but I think your hubby would be very unhappy with that! So, I'll just root for you to come through this bump in the road.

Ronda's Rants said...

Thank you Karen. You understand exactly! I would never pray for anything that would make my Hubby unhappy...I pray for deeper roots...and a car with great gas mileage :)

Betty WSch. said...

I know exactly how you feel. My life is totally NOT what i imagened it. I thought we would live in Canada and see our kids grow up there. Then when my hubby was increasing more and more unhappy there, we moved back to Paraguay. It is where HE is happy and I have learned to be happy here too. Luckily after 5 years my daughter has decided to come back as well (she was living in Canada). All I can say is, don't give up on yourself. If your hubby loves it there, pray for acceptance and for a love of that place. It will come. Give it time.
And yes, just go and visit the kids a lot to make it easier!

Glad to see you blogging again!

RBK's Realm said...

So glad you decided to write. You will feel better eventually. I say this from experience. You are in transitions and transitions are almost always rough. So it is okay to take whatever helps you go through the process. Keep writing- who knows this might lead to a great bestseller !

melodie Davis said...

Rhonda, very touching, I feel for you. When I was a senior in high school my family moved to northern Florida with my full enthusiasm ... but I spent one of the loneliest years of my life. But it was good for me, especially as a 17 year old girl. Give it some more time maybe? Kids and grandkids are a strong strong pull I know. And once we get Doreen settled we want to have you and Bob over and maybe some others from the Broadway half of our church!

melodie Davis said...

So sorry about misspelling your name. I'll remember now!

Lauren said...

Ronda, I’m sorry that you are not as happy with the move as Bob. I pray that you will give yourself a little more time to adjust and feel comfortable here. Every transition I remember making felt strange and uncomfortable at first. The summer before I was a junior in college, I flew to CA to be a nanny for a family. I remember feeling so alone and far from home. Even surrounded by a big fun family, they weren’t mine. The first time I had a little time to myself I just cried! I am glad to have met you and hope you’ll want to stay and find a life here. I hope we’ll be friends for a long time!

Ronda's Rants said...

Thank you, Melodie and Lauren...How blessed I am for this church and the people in it! I know for sure that God did go ahead of me and make a place for me and that assurance is enough!