I have made my blog public again after a falling out with a fellow blogger...I have enabled comment moderation and while I hate it...I hate her comments more! :)
I am sorry if anything I have written ever offends as it is never my intention. I am just sharing my opinions and you know what they say about opinions...
Early in our marriage...My Hubby and I discovered that, he did not like, understand or know how to make or even fake an apology. This became a problem as mystery of all mysteries I needed one to get over whatever happened. We will define "get over" as anything that prevented me from pretending there was not anything wrong...I should also suggest here I am not good at faking or pretending. It was a difficult time for both of us.
My husband has learned to give "good apologies" since this time in fact he is better at giving a sincere apology than anyone I know. When I am sorry...I truly try to give the apology in the manner my Hubby has shown me.
First...
Do not say I am sorry you got your feelings hurt!
This is like saying "I am sorry you were run over by a car!" while you were the driver of the car!
Second...
Don't apologize unless you are.
This is when you say "I am sorry but ...you started it! "
Third...
Don't apologize and then continue doing the behavior.
"I am sorry you were run over by the car!" Now stand here while I get back into the car and hit you again.
To apologize you say "I am sorry that "whatever happened" occurred and I admit "my responsibility" and I hope you accept my apology as I will not let this happen again."
It is okay to say it was unintentional but to say to someone " You shouldn't feel whatever you are feeling"... is not okay!
You accept apology and you should!! ... (in a perfect world)
Maybe, like My Hubby you are married to someone like me who wants to revisit said injury.
He patiently listens and says while smiling..."And, I am still sorry for all of that!"
I can't think of anyone who could still be angry with a person like that... Well, I can but he loves me anyway!!!
I do love you Bob!!
12 comments:
Very good advice...as usual! ;)
Thanks for inviting me to your now private blog. Did something happen?
That is SO true Ronda! And it rings extra true b/c Don and I got in a fight the other night and he "apologized" that night but I didn't really feel that he "got it." But then the next morning he sincerely apologized and it made all the difference in the world!
What up with the private blog??
"I am sorry your feelings got hurt" is the WORST.
It makes me so mad.
Can't wait to see you in Vegas!
Tiffany
Oh, I am soooooo out of the loop on this one!! This full time job thing is CRAP! I'm missing out on all the blogging adventures!! lol
I hope all is well and apologies are sincere and I'm glad he is still sorry. lol
Apologies are so important. Acceptance is just a crucial. It's so hard to be an adult sometimes. I'm still working on that. :-)
Ronda, I'm so glad you decided to take the blog off private. Not every person is going to agree with you through life, and yeah, they have a right to give their opinion, but not if they're putting you down or hurting you in the process.
Anyway, this was a great post, and I totally agree with you over how apologies should be given to make the offended person feel better.
Justine :o )
I view myself as an expert at apologizing, because I'm kind of a screw-up, but these are excellent points -- and not ones I'm certain I always include.
I don't understand the need to harpoon people in their comment section. I've been lucky so far, but figure my turn is coming.
Although I did get a call from an angry patient the other day saying he'd "die before he'd come back to our shithole."
Works for me.
(Note: I'm a bookkeeper/office manager, not a nurse -- can you tell?)
Hmmm, wondered what was up when I received an invite to your private blog...have not yet had anyone treat me unfairly on my blog page yet. Sorry to hear this happened and that you had to take the meausure of going private. Hope all is well again in bloggyland for you. :-))
DI
The Blue Ridge Gal
(we rarely need apologies in our house because I call him on it immediately if he gets rude. I crack the whip in this house! LOL)
Bob, What Rhonda said is .... way to freakin' complicated. This works better - Blank stare and the word "WHAT?!"
Good post, Ronda. Bob is lucky that you know you're lucky!
Love apologies........in all forms. :) Can't wait to meet you in Vegas! And, dish about the blogger with lame comments. :)
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