Saturday, November 22, 2008

I'm Back...

I'm back a bad rash!

I am telling this sad little story, at the risk of becoming the poster child of menopausal women so I might win a Holiday contest/giveaway hosted by Adventures in Juju Boo, The Love, the lemons & the Laundry! I don't even know what I am possibly winning in the humiliating of myself and family members! But, this is how I roll!

Thanksgiving...The one where Mom drank a bottle of wine!

It, this sad little tale really started much earlier...when I was about 36. It was a work day, when in fact I was at a bank and I had just opened some kind of account and was walking to the teller line to have the teller handle the deposit. All of a sudden...I felt like my skin was on fire and that my whole body had just been dropped into an oven. Without thinking...I said "Oh my God, how hot is it in here?"
It was then that I looked at these 20 somethings dressed like Eskimos...who looked anything but hot! The young girl smiled and said "I'm freezing"
I smiled right back and said "I'm not!" Then I noticed the knowing smiles coming from the 20 something crowd and they looked at each other nodding...and I think I heard the music from Queen play softly...Another one bites the dust...and another one down.
Also, around this time I started having really bad headaches...that no one knew what was least none of the fancy Doctors I was asking...
I mentioned casually to my Mom that I had been waking up drenched in sweat almost ever night... and that I had quietly convinced myself that I had malaria since the only person who I knew who did this was my Dad who had contracted malaria while in Vietnam!
My Mom was quiet and spoke softly..."Maybe you should see you Doctor and have them take blood work... "
I said "I knew it! I have malaria!"
"No" she said "I think you maybe having the change of life!"
"What...that can't be!" I said.
"It could be and it is a very long process" my Mom said. Symptoms would come and go for me for a long while.
So...when I was 42, I was thinking that I might want to have another baby...not biologically but rather adopt but I hadn't convinced my Hubby of this...whenever he said "No!" which was often...I would get a little more depressed.
I remember just before Thanksgiving of that year walking into his office and the two 20 somethings who worked there...greeted me. One of them had just had a baby girl and the other one said "Ronda, you should have seen Bob with the baby yesterday!"
My heart lifted...he held a baby! This is too good to be true...I thought surely I could convince him of the fun and joy of having a baby again...that is until she said what came next!
"Yes, Bob said he can't wait until you have grandchildren!"
To this day...Bob and I disagree on what he could have possibly doesn't matter all I heard was "My wife is too old to be a mother, again!"

This was just days before the Thanksgiving that will live in infamy in our household!
I was feeling really wounded and I probably should have just cancelled but our oldest was coming down from college and bringing the sweetest girl in the world to our house, this sweet girl would later become our daughter-in-law! My mother, father and grandmother were all expected and it would be a household full...of witnesses!

I wish I could explain my feeling but you just have to experience this one for yourself...I sincerely wanted to murder my husband...but knew that my children would be hurt by the death of their father...especially my daughter. So...killing him was not an option!
If he had been sorry he hurt my feelings that would have been something but instead he continued to treat his wife like she was insane...which makes no sense to me! So...this person whom I wanted to kill...wanted to cook turkey with me in my kitchen! I would have all these silent arguments going on in my head...and out of no where I would look him in the face and declare..
"Lot's of women my age have babies!" He would look all startled and say something benign like... "Do we have oregano?"
People kept arriving...and I would be all two faced...I would hug them and then go back and forth alternating between ignoring and yelling at my destined to be murdered husband!
Finally, seconds before my parents and my grandmother arrived...I had worked myself up into an emotional tizzy and because it was hot in the kitchen...I screamed..."Oh my God is it hot in here?" Someone made a joke about it being just you Mom! The entire room fell could cut the tension with a knife...My poor father walked in...and said while looking at my Hubby...
" she giving you a hard time?"
I burst into tears and left 15 people standing in my home and I ran to my bedroom and slammed the door...I cried uncontrollably! I don't think I have cried that hard ever!
I could hear my Dad saying.."What did I do?"
My mother, my grandmother and my daughter came in the room and I just sat on the bed and cried... I felt old and used up! I felt like my body was completely betraying me!
I told them I didn't know what was wrong with me...My Mom just held me while I sobbed!
Finally, my grandmother said...Maybe a glass of wine would make you feel better! My granny said this...which cracked me up! I yelled for my oldest son who was conveniently 21 at the time... when he came in I said "Go get me a bottle of wine...any kind, any brand...just go get some!"
So...for the first thanksgiving I drank wine with one else did but I didn't care!
That was the last time...My hubby and I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner together!

This menopause has been a long process for me and just sucks!
But...I am happy being a grandmother! This Thanksgiving...I am most thankful to be a grandmother and my poor lucky- to- be- alive Hubby still doesn't think he said anything wrong!


Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I can so relate to this. I am only 37, but due to a necessary surgery I am now dealing with the menopause demon. I truly enjoyed your story!

Jennifer said...

Glad you're back Ronda! Sorry about that awful Thanksgiving!! Menopause sure doesn't sound like a picnic--I'm not looking forward to it!!

B said...

your story was funny, well parts of it were. I'm sure it wasn't very funny from your point of view. Yup, I'm one of those 20 somethings, but dont worry, not for much longer. oh the innocense. I remember when I was an innocent before this whole baby journey that I realize what a challenge fertility can be, I cherish innocense. I'm going to cherish my innocense of menopause that much more. Thank you. And yes, you may include my last blog regarding my title in the charity give plan was to write a whole new blog for your charity give away, but I suppose my last blog fits the's my story of loss and how I am now (hopefully) a better person for it. Thank you for your sweet comment.

Gina said...

ahahahaha!!! Ronda- this was such a GREAT story. Thank you for sharing!!! I am 37 and have been waking up drenched in sweat for over a year now- feeling out of control emotionally a lot- and wanting to kill my husband on a regular basis (while trying to save his life simultaneously. Go figure that one!).
I hear you, girl.
I so hear you.
I'm off for some wine... (per Granny!)

careysue said...

Listen...I have been there done that...almost all of it, menopause is like being premenstrual on steroids. The night sweats are so bad my sheets look like a crime scene, perfect outline of my body when I get up!

Another unfortunate thing is that I have 4 daughters that have PMS we really are a fun group at times!!

Great memory, thanks for sharing I'm sure you can laugh about it now!

Welcome back!

Dawn said...

Glad you're back! Thanks for sharing! I had to laugh at parts of your story!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

He TOTALLY did something wrong. I would back you up on that til my dying day.

Michelle said...

That was a great funny story. Thank you.

Soxy Deb said...

Oh he was WAY wrong. I would post your bail and help find an attorney.

Mine thinks I'm an idiot for wanting to adopt. I think I hate him.

Ginny said...

Men, they just don't even realize what they are saying sometimes. I know my hubby is like that! So annoying, frustrating, angering, etc etc, lol. My mom went through menopause around the same time due to surgery.

Rachel said...

Mom, I think you told the story quite well :) And although I'm glad you didn't kill our father, that was a rather idiotic thing to say. Men, huh? sheesh! ;) Can't wait to make another memorable thanksgiving day this week!

Elana Kahn said...

Great story!! Too bad men can be rediculously thick and insensitive at times. And, just for the record, 42 is not too old to be having kids. My sister-in-law is nearly 50 and is still trying for her first! Here from ICLW.

Amy said...

Glad you are back. I'd have to say your husband was a bit insensitive there. Ouch! But it makes for a good story.

Mamahut said...

They're always wrong and they know it!

Kristin said...

He was way, way wrong...but it makes for a very funny story.

Stephanie, Phil, Kayla, Logan & Alex said...

I really enjoyed your story! Like others I'm not looking forward to the experience myself but I'll be sure to keep wine handy in the house.

Anonymous said...

It's only been a few years for me....AND I"M SO SICK OF BEING HOT, THEN COLD, THEN HOT, THEN.... well, you get the picture. Funny though... my emotions have not changed... just my internal heater.

The Blue Ridge Gal

BoufMom9 said...

This struck such a cord with me that I didn't find this funny at all, but instead it's making me cry. I am sure i have started menopause and it breaks my heart. Not that I plan on having more children either (although I would LOVE to adopt atleast 2 more...) But, it's just sad knowing that I CAN'T have more if I want to :(
Thanks for sharing this very personal story.

KandiB said...

Men rarely admit when they've made a blunder. Mine told me the other day that my pregnancy symptoms were "psychosomatic" and that I was just imagining sore boobs and queasy stomach. A week later, he still swears he didn't say it and didn't "mean it." Riiiiiiiight. Love your story...I think I would have made mine TWO bottles of wine! ICLW.

Anonymous said...

Oh man.....what a terrible Thanksgiving!!!!

I can kind of relate to how you felt. I would LOVE to have another kid....but I will be 37 in Jan...and I'm not things are not looking good for me. Tricia and I were just talking today about our cutoff ages for more kids....and i started feeling old and used up as you said.

I'm glad you are finding joy in your grandbabies though....and you are not are only as old as you feel!!!

Beautiful Mess said...

I think I am going to have my husband read this. That way he'll KNOW that what he says can be wrong sometimes and will be punished severely for it! Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Andrea said...

I'm 28 and have premature ovarian failure (similar to early menopause), so I can relate. Menopause sucks. Sometimes men just don't think! I hope you have a much better Thanksgiving this year!

Hippie Family... said...

I am just glad that not everyone on the web's husband is perfect... I feel like I am the only one that ever says anything bad/not good about mine.. thanks for helping me not feel horrible about being human :D

Elizabeth said...

I laughed and smiled through your story, Ronda! You write very well!
I feel so fortunate that one thing I won't ever have to go through is the long drawn-out process of the change. But I guess chemo isn't a good way to end up there either, huh?

binders said...

I popped over here from Jill's blog. Hope that's okay. Who could resist checking out a blog which, by it's very title, PROMISES rants!

I am 36 but, whew! No hot flashes yet. At least now I'll know what to look for.

Dawnie said...

I feel that story BIG TIME. Why is it always centered around holidays? I'm pretty much done with the menopause thingy--but when i was in the midst of it all..I cant even begin to tell you. Lets just say--I spent a good portion of 2-3 years in the emergency rooms of every fricking town i was near...I always said i was having a heart attack. hubby was always with me, and after awhile everyone figured out but ME that i was in menopause and having anxiety attacks, hot flashes and mood swings. One Easter I remember crying before dinner, telling hubby i was dieing and no one would beleive me. Another night after work I came home and sat down and told him I WAS dying and everyone better prepare. I hated this time of my life. I'm glad its less and less for me..all i get now is hot flashes here and there but no more anxiety or whining attacks.

Candid Carrie said...

I might be repeating what others said, but girl ... I feel your pain. Menopause is hell.

My grandmother didn't do it gracefully and my mother handled it even worse.

I take great psych meds and wear my clothes in layers for easy shedability.

IdleMindOfBeth said...


First, I LOVE the design of your blog! LOVE IT!

I can relate somewhat to the menopause symptoms. I'm only 30, but had to do a 6 month round of meds that put me into a pre-menopausal state... Thank GAWD that's over!

Seriously? - Erin said...

That sounds like an awful day! I hope the wine helped.

So far my only hot flashes were from fertility drugs, I don't look forward to it again!

Teri said...

Even though my husband and I have 5 kids between us, I still get that longing for just one more baby. Nope, not gonna happen. Hubby's completely satisfied. Sigh. I love, love, love babies. Oh well.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with the grandbabies!

K @ ourboxofrain said...

I'm sorry your husband was such a weenie! My husband would have concluded that my reaction was purely hormonal and therefore he hadn't said/done anything wrong. To which I would say just because I'm hormonal doesn't mean you aren't an ass.

Karyn said...

The good news is you are still HOT!