Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Oh No She didn't?


Yesterday, I read a couple of blogs that touched me in different ways...one a good hard shove and the other like a warm embrace...I guess it all depends on how you like it! I know lot's of people who liked to be shocked or they need to be provocative to be noticed or whatever! I don't mind controversial...it's the hurtful ones I find uncomfortable reading. I find "mean spirited"...not funny, clever or interesting.

About fifteen years ago, while working in banking I found myself needing a different schedule because my "Motherly bee-hind" needed to be at a bus stop with my 12 year old daughter who's bus stop was on a busy street and she was the only occupant of said bus stop! My supervisor wouldn't accommodate my needs because the single, childless woman of the branch would think I was getting preferential treatment....So I transferred to a different branch where they were just thankful to have a good employee! An employee who couldn't open up the branch but who could work until closing! This was the Siberia branch of the banking world...overworked and underpaid as it wasn't a big commission branch, like the kind I just left, this was more of a service branch.
The branch manager was a nice lady but not very effective as a manager so everyone just ran all over her and each other! The office morale was awful! There was one girl...who just was mean spirited and everyone just stayed out of her way including me. She was a Big girl, who was sarcastic and who seemed to enjoy hurting others!
One fateful Friday late evening...another young girl, who was small and quiet came up short a lot of money...I didn't work behind the teller line but my heart went out to her so I started helping her look for this 2000 and something dollar mistake. Her direct supervisor who was kind but also not very good at managing people told the rest of her staff that because of the sizable outage...all the tellers would be audited before they could leave! The big girl was having a cow...and it was painful for all of us to listen to! She complained loudly while we all dutifully counted cash and reviewed paperwork! She was hungry, she was tired and finally she had had enough...she walked over to the small girl and said that this was all her fault and she was just S.T.U.P.I.D....
I said..."Knock it off you witch" only I pronounced it with the BAH sound! There was the sound of silence...I got every one's attention as I hadn't said much until then! Big girl...got mad and stepped forward ...I stepped forward...I was ready to turn the other cheek...her cheek round and round! Oh God...Chick fight in a bank...news at 11:00 pm...How did I get here?
It was then that both not very effective managers ordered both of us to the office! I am wondering how a good girl like me ended up in trouble...while I see real fear in Big girl's eyes...that was perplexing!

The office manager was a nice women who happened to be Christian but as I said she hadn't been very effective as a manager.
She asked Big girl what happened and she told her side of the story...when she got to the part where I said witch only not witch...I was feeling ashamed because I could hear the hurt in the girl's voice...I realized she was only about four years older than my oldest son.
The manager dutifully chastised her for making the small girl feel bad and then she looked at me!
She spoke softly... and broke my heart "Ronda, you know our words should edify our God!" I was moved beyond anything else she could have said to me...
I turned to this girl and put my hand on her arm...which shocked her and with tears in my eyes...I said "I am so sorry I said that!" and I was sorry...I hadn't made this better for the small girl...I had made it worse for everyone!
I would like to say this girl became nicer...she did a little and I would love to say I don't swear anymore...I don't... much! But... I have never forgotten the time in that managers' office and what she reminded me. The political season is upon us and so we can all choose to be nasty or not...

21 comments:

careysue said...

I love you....I am so proud of how you handled the situation.. I would of done the same thing.


You were a voice for the girl being chastised and you opened up and showed compassion to the "mean" girl.

I think it worked out just about perfect.

Diane said...

Thank you... this was really lovely and I needed to read it today. I did a post about my daughter recently called 'The Dragon and the Mouse'... like her, I sometimes let my Dragon overtake my Mouse... and it's good to be reminded that a squeak can be more effective than firebreath sometimes ;)

Jennifer said...

That was a great story Ronda!! I don't blame you for saying that though--it sounds like she needed a rude awakening.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

I always wonder why some people end up mean. Guess we just never know what their life circumstances are or what they were. I probably would have called the mean girl on it too though and not sure I could have been as big a person as you were and apologized.

Z's Mom said...

That was a great story, Ronda. Thanks for sharing and for the reminder. I've been in that environment for so long its easy now to "go mean". But that is no excuse for me acting that way too often. I do curse too often and I keep trying to stop......its hard.

Ronda's Rants said...

I am still trying not to use bad words...

jill jill bo bill said...

Great story. You know it would've been hard for me not to be in the backgound chanting, "fight fight". Just kidding!!!!! You did good to say it and then apologize. Sometimes the truth hurts. The truth that she was being mean.

Ronda's Rants said...

If you had done that it would have made it funny...and it would have calmed things down...I didn't say the truth though...I escalated it to a new level! I was just as wrong as he was... if not more because I was older and supposedly a Christian plus I was paid better!

Lauren said...

If only....

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I promise to be nice to others and stuff but is it okay if I yell at the tv? Cause it's gotta come out SOMEWHERE

Ronda's Rants said...

Yep...I do!

Karyn said...

The joys of the Sabal Park branch. I had never heard that story.
We all need to be kinder to each other. Love you!

Ronda's Rants said...

I can't believe I didn't tell you...you are always kind!

Mary said...

So well said! I think it's very brave of you to not only have apologized to the mean girl, but to have embraced what your supervisor said rather than allowed anger and frustration to block out her words. I need to remember these too. I am too quick to anger and frequently speak when I shouldn't.

Thank you for sharing this!

(ICLW)

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Michelle said...

Yes, you handled that beautifully. It makes such a difference when people apologize. So many do not understand that and they just make excuses which is something you could have done but choose not to. Good job!

Kori said...

There are so many things to say to this, so I will let "well done" suffice.

AJ said...

What a great story! Thanks for sharing it.

jlraynes said...

Thanks for sharing that. We all can use a reminder about how our words effect others.

Mamahut said...

OK who's being mean to my Ronda? I hope it wasn't I that said something to offend anyone ;)
Your so nice and I love nice people. There is so much hate and pain out there, it is nice to stumble onto nice and kind like I have here in bloggy world.

Blog Stalker said...

Greak post! Wondering what posts you read that stated this rant.

Anyway, I do not curse and am most of the time fairly composed. But when someone needs it, I can usually convey whatever emotion they need to see or hear. lol

Have a great (rant-free) day!