Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Stayin' Alive at 55

"The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected."
~Robert Frost

I have a birthday coming up and for the first time ...it "stings a bit"! I usually take  birthdays in stride sometimes with excitement, I mean birthdays are exciting! I am, however finding this one to be difficult to be excited about. I will be 55 years old. Most days I don't feel 55 years old...at least what I thought 55 would feel like. I have been asking myself goofy questions like "Do 55 years old's do that?"  "Would a 55 year old wear that?" "How should I act at 55?" "I suppose, I should grow up now...buckle down and get a real job!" (actually, it is way past time for that one)

It seems natural at this kind of a "milestone age" or is that "millstone age" that an inventory of such happens.I am not normally a person who looks back at life and ruminates mistakes and yet, I have caught myself doing that. What if I had done this instead of that ? Would it have been different? Pointless...you think, and ...yet?

Normally, while I can be an emotional and a passionate person...I can also be a very logical and a list making kind of a girl. "Can I still call myself a "girl" at 55?"..... Yesterday, rather than shoo these feelings aside with a "you-shouldn't-feel-this-way" mantra...I decided to ride this tide of emotions out?  I made  a list of everything I had deemed a "mistake" and I set about thinking about not just what had happened but my actions that had led up to it. Then I listed the other choices I could have made, those paths not taken by me. I had prepared myself for a really awful afternoon, a pity party peppered with an afternoon of cold regret. I was surprised. Yes, I had made some mistakes but not as many as I had first thought. And when I considered the other choices I could have made given the information that I had at the time and with the proverbial...What I know now insight! It wasn't so bad...not nearly as bad or as difficult as I thought it would be. Hindsight is 20/20. I have done okay...so far! I am actually very grateful for my life and all the great opportunities I have had.

Turning 55 next week will be fun after all...in fact...my husband and my best friend have already done it! And did it well! We will be in Florida with my family having a barbecue pool party and I will be thinking about how blessed I am and ..."What kind of a bathing suit does a 55 Year old wear?"

2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.

1 comment:

Nichole said...

Haha, you're so cute! Happy (early) Birthday.