I am no longer a Floridian, no longer working and no longer warm. (Virginia is cooler than I remember.) I am also no longer a person who believes in blacks and whites ...it's not the colors or the races that I am thinking of but rather those absolutes of certainty that I had of my youth. I was recently in a class where a young women of about 20 or so spoke her mind...I loved listening to her as she was so certain of her opinion, certain she was right...and I felt a mixture of envy and admiration, well, maybe admiration and THEN envy. I loved her excitement at knowing she was right.
I wonder if the more we color our hair to cover our gray the more we lose our ability to see only black and white issues...I wonder if that is where the gray creeps back into our lives. I wonder if I stop coloring my hair...will I be the woman who believes the absolutes of my youth again...like the young women I admired so much. For some reason I keep thinking of the line from Billy Joel's song "...when I wore a younger man's clothes."
No...I don't think that's it ...So, even though I color my gray hair...I want to keep my gray thinking these days...as people say they have earned their gray hair...I HAVE earned my gray thinking. I am happier NOT having all the answers and NOT judging everyone wrong or right. I don't know all the answers but I am not afraid to ask the questions and I am not afraid to say I don't know. The Ronda who were the younger girl's clothes wasn't able to do that. Very freeing...but I am going to still color my gray hair for awhile longer!