Lessons Learned From the Backyard

My office window looks over the entire backyard...pretty much.  It is a second story view so, I can see quite a ways and it is a beautiful. I haven't always appreciated the view. When we first moved to this rental house I was laser focused on a building that needed to be torn down. I later found out from a granddaughter of the original owners that the building was where the small livestock were kept. The actual part of that building that was so very offensive to me was the very first outhouse… interesting but still ugly.  Our first family visitors to this house/home were our first born child, his wife and two children, our beloved grandchildren. I made a big dinner for us and it was a lovely fall evening so...I suggested we have dinner outdoors on the deck. My son looked off into the backyard and remarked "There's the million dollar view!"  I thought he was being sarcastic. He wasn't. It wasn't until I looked beyond what I had considered an eyesore...and saw a breathtaking view. Now, I look beyond the building that STILL needs to be torn down...and see the view because my lesson is:

You should look beyond shortcomings because usually there is something beautiful just past what you are seeing.

We have a beautiful deck on the back of this house to go with that beautiful view. In fact...most of the houses on the street have back decks, or back porches, or even wrap around the whole house porches to accommodate this view! At first when my husband and I would take our dogs outside in the backyard, we would notice the house next door and that everyone indoors would be outdoors in the evening. They would sit on the porch, rocking in the rocking chairs, rockin’ and starin' at us. Bob and I finally pulled up two chairs and faced it in neighbor’s direction and stared right back...thinking... How rude? Two can play this dumb game!  They should come over and welcome us into the neighborhood! We are the new ones but instead...they are just rockin' and starin'. About fifteen minutes into this fruitless endeavor ...Bob looked behind him. He then suggested we turn our chairs around and appreciate the view...that our neighbors were enjoying. Our neighbors never did welcome us into the neighborhood although after I went and introduced myself, they do throw up their hands now and wave at us. But...we sit out on that deck and enjoy the view, a glass of wine and each others company most evenings. The lesson for me was…

To take my joy in what is happening around me, Life is too short for petty grievances and it is rarely about me anyway!

Recently I was talking with a friend and she remarked about how deep I was. I was a very thoughtful thinker...she thought. As a drove home on Cloud nine, I was thinking ...what a lovely thing for her to say and what a wonderful thing for me to be. I came upstairs to my computer and I then opened an email to this blog... and there...was a comment. A person was commenting about what a shallow so and so I was. I immediately left Cloud nine and felt defeated. I hadn't changed. I was still me. But...in the space of a half an hour my mood and my self esteem had changed.
 The thing is I am neither deep nor shallow. My lesson in this...

People will see you based on their perspectives. You be yourself. Be authentic. Show up. Ponder praise and criticism ...and gain what wisdom you can. But remember...beyond the Outhouse is a million dollar view. And when people stare sometimes it has nothing to do with you... it is just their view beyond you!

I want to be the person looking for the million dollar view. I want to be the person who will turn my chair to see the other person's point of view. But...mostly I want to sit on the porch in the evenings in the back yard, drink in hand, beside the guy I love and ponder!

Finding my Way

In the past two years I have exhausted myself into trying to make Virginia my home...and still have Florida be my home. I have driven south and north at least 15 times, and got on the dreaded airplane at least five times. My desire to see my family trumps fear of flying, hands down! And I have a big fear of flying...they say your likelihood of dying in a car crash is greater than dying while flying and while that may be true the likelihood of my flapping my wings and flying without aid of airplane is nonexistent! So...while I would rather drive, I would forgo my fear of flying to be with my grandchildren, children, parents and siblings. I could easily write non stop about being homesick but there is no challenge in that...so, this is the post that I put a happy spin on my circumstance and dwell on those unexpected joys that I have found in this place called Virginia.

The first wonderful thing about Virginia, is that my friend Brenda lives here along, with her husband Mike and her two children. We have known one another forEVER. She is an amazing person who makes amazing events memorable while photographing it all. We share a love of old things and the joy that comes from making them beautiful again. We love decorating, creating, celebrations and we love each others families. Our husbands are friends which is nice as sometimes that doesn't happen...sometimes frankly...the guys get dragged out on couple's dates and they act like dead weights. Not our guys...how nice that I have this amazing person live so close to me now. I am lucky.

The second wonderful thing about Virginia is my husband's amazing family lives here. His parents have passed on but all his other extended family still live here or nearby. They are kind and loving to me and recognize I struggle...and so far have not been frustrated with my moaning...and you know... the other word that accurately describe my behavior that I am unable to type 'cause my Mom reads my blog. My husband's family owns 150 acres on a mountain surrounded by national forest. It is amazingly different for this city girl.  I am lucky.

The third wonderful thing about Virginia is that I found an amazing church. It is full of intelligent people who think of the word "Christian" as a verb and they are the "doingest" people I have ever met. They were not shy about putting me to work, keeping me busy...literally trusting me with the keys to the building. The love I have found here...has saved my sanity. Three women in particular have made sure I have lunch dates, a place at Christmas to go to, and literally, in one case... a shoulder to cry on. You are proof to me that God came before me and made a way for me. I love you all at Trinity.

The fourth wonderful thing about Virginia is the people. While the locals are a little slow to warm up to you...if you persevere and put yourself out there, which I do...you will find the kindest people. I love to talk with people and I have had some amazing conversations...filled with family history, faith, and love of country. This is not an original conclusion but there is a slower rhythm to small town living that large towns no longer have and I have enjoyed the feeling of unhurried. What a gift I have discovered in taking your time, sitting on a porch watching fireflies, squirrels and deer move about until only the lights of the stars illuminate your evening. I am lucky.

The fifth wonderful thing about Virginia is its unexpectedness. They have a marketing slogan..."We like it Wild" meaning the hiking trails. The hiking is AMAZING!  For me...it is wild. It is an adventure...this life is so unlike my life in Florida. I am used to instant, quick, and easy. Accessible, comfortable, warm are the adjectives used to describe my life in Florida. Virginia is more challenging...remote, rugged ...and mountainous. I feel like things have been turned upside down ...and indeed they have. Three years ago..I thought my life would be one way and it turned out it will not...and that is sad. But, also it is an exciting adventure. It is a chapter not yet written in a book...that I can't wait to read. I am blessed!

A Thanksgiving to Remember

   Sometimes I think the really happy memories we have and remember...don't really start out so happy! Sometimes, it starts out stressful or tragically wrong and then somehow...it all works out and you remember it as if looking through rose colored memory glasses. Then that awful moment becomes funny, amusing, and a treasured memory. Or, maybe that is a crazy coping mechanism that I have developed and if that is so...then I thank God in heaven on high that I possess that crazy gift!

My husband and I are what you may refer to as..."competitive holiday cooks" or  "bossy-get-the-hell-outta-my-kitchen" types! We literally have to take turns with our holiday cooking..."You may have Thanksgiving and I will have Christmas!" to which the other person will respond "And, I will watch you and critique your every move at Thanksgiving and you will micromanage the Christmas Spirit right out of me!" In the picture above it is my turn to cook but as you can see...HE is in my kitchen...and he can't decide whether to finish washing his hands or choke me!       The particular Thanksgiving I remember and am thankful for started out awful...the middle was awful but like a great three act play...had a great finish!        My husband was being picky, bossy, and testy. At least that is how I remember it! I was having a difficult time...I was menopausal and the doctor thought a bit of Zoloft would help. It didn't unless my crying at the drop of a hat was an improvement over say...picky, bossy, and testy! The Hubby was hovering which was making me nervous...and I had 15 for dinner and a complicated menu. I wanted him out of the kitchen...and I wanted him to read my mind and take out the kitchen trash...without you know coming into the kitchen. He finally had had enough of my mood and snapped back...which I accepted all wounded warrior like. When my guests including my Mother, Grandmother,and Father arrived. The tension in the air was significant and everyone felt it. I was holding onto my tears with a feather-like grip. My father took one look at both of us and said " Boy, is she giving you a hard time?" And.I.burst.into.tears! leaving all the guests, all 15 of them ...and running into my bedroom...crying hysterically! My father saying to anyone who would listen "What did I say?" What did I say?"       I cried for only a few minutes...when in walked my mother and grandmother who did not say anything...just hugged me. I kept saying that I didn't know what was wrong with me over and over...They both said it will be okay. I cried and cried. I finally called in my oldest son who conveniently had just turned 21. I handed him a $20 and said go get me a bottle of wine. "What kind?" he said helplessly. "Any kind. Just make it a white wine!" (And that day marked the first day that I drank wine with dinner at Thanksgiving...which now has become a lovely tradition.) But the memory I have that makes me so very thankful...was that at my worst...snotty nosed mess...my mother and grandmother showed me such love! That out of the awful "how do I get out of this bedroom with all my guests in the other room" feeling was resolved with my grandmother, mother and I walking in arm and arm and greeting everyone with...A Happy Thanksgiving!

There are Five Books That have Changed Me

  There are five books that have changed the course of my life at different pivotal  moments. They transformed my thinking and doing... three of then profoundly so, at least in my mind. Ask yourself what books have changed you, transformed your thinking...and moved you to action. These are my books, I was surprised by the list...but this is my list. 

My first book came to me by way of my husband, during a very difficult period...what I thought was the end of our love affair. While we were both really nice people who happened to be Christians...we were in fact two Christians who were not nice to one another and we were unhappy, desperately so unhappy. We were separated with the emphasis on separate. We no longer lived together and I was heartbroken. 

Out of the blue, I mean not expected at all... my very much "separate from me" husband appeared at my work with two bag lunches in hand. My co-workers were concerned that I was leaving to go with him...not because they thought he would harm me but because they did not want to see me hurt further. I am not sure why I agreed to go with him...there was a kindness in his eyes I hadn't seen in a long time.

We sat in silence for awhile, awkward silence... awkward, awkward silence! Finally, he spoke. He told me he had listened to an interview of Gary Chapman on the radio. He is an author who had written The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate.  I was stunned into silence. My two biggest complaints in our marriage were that he did not value our marriage and that he acted like he didn't love me. Not only had he made me lunch, he bought the book and suggested we have lunch together everyday and read this book together. And that is what we did.

He would show up each day, having made two bag lunches and wait while I finished up what I was doing...we would go to a park which was close to where I work and eat and discuss and read the book. There were a lot of hurt feelings on both our parts and discussing this wasn't easy...but we did it.

The premise of the book is that we all express love differently. This way of expressing love, our love language is learned from how our parents expressed love to us as a child. Obviously, couples are raised in different homes and many times we are "speaking" different love languages. We had different unspoken expectations of each other and we had failed to express love to each other in a way the other could recognize it.

The five love languages are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, and Acts of Service. In reading this book together we discovered why when I would buy him something and he would criticize me for spending money...I would be wounded; why when he fixed something for a neighbor while my "broken whatever" remained broken...I became furious! We knew instantly that when I had made a joke in public at his expense why he became distant...AND when we stopped touching each other...why we had separated!

My love languages are Gifts and Acts of Service...that is how I give and receive love. And Bob tries daily to learn this new language. Bob's are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch...and I am getting really good at these! This book...Gary Chapman's written words changed the direction of my marriage and the course of my life! 

What Five Books changed your life? My next Book...Serendipity Bible for Small Groups!

 

Five "Ronda Changing" Books

It's a Family Affair!

My commitment to myself was to get back to blogging so I was startled to say the least when I went to sign in and my blog looked as messy as my house! I couldn't remember how to update anything and I had to even think for  moment what my password was.  There was a time I blogged everyday and a "gang" of us "hung" out each morning "listening" to each other. (That's a lot of air quotes, if you are reading this out aloud!)

I miss those times and I have become nostalgic for a few other times as well. I, no longer have my own business and while I do miss some aspects of having my own business for the most part ...I am happy doing what I am doing now. There are times I miss working with my family very much, mostly because they were  great and are my actual family!

Last week while working an event, I saw a woman I worked with for 10 years, long before we started  our own business and I was moved almost to tears...I know all of the time that I worked there couldn't have been perfect...I was a full time working mother, so I was beyond stressed, busy, tired and guilty! But, there she was reminding me about herself and a group of people who were to me like family.

My Hubby and I have more changes in store for us, some we have chosen and others thrust upon us like a rogue wave at the beach.. I have come to believe that you can remember friends and family, whether it be your actual family, bloggy family, work family or former church family fondly while embracing the new changes...the alternative is a lot of disappointment! That's not how "my family" operates!

We Are Like Two Peas in a Pod...Only One is a Bean!

Recently I told someone my Hubby was my best friend and he is...that has not always been the case. We started out as friends but as marriages, sometimes do... we got busy and became acquaintances! Working, raising children and even our church would become a distraction that kept us from feeling like friends.

Both of us are very tolerate of other people and each of us have friends who think very differently that we do; it took a long time for us to allow that with each other. It took us even longer to realize that married people don't have to have the same mind ... it's okay to disagree and be different.

I have wonderful friends, in fact if you were to judge me just on my friends alone, I think, I would be judged a success. My friends are varied, Christian, Atheists, Hindus and I think I have one who classifies herself as Pagan but I think she's joking and really  she's agnostic. Some of my friends are conservatives and believe it or not they love me in spite of my liberalism. I have one friend who is a conservative Nudist and while I am neither, I love him just the same and I know he would do anything for me or my family. My husband is probably more accepting than even I am, however, for years we struggled to accept each other for just who we are and remember that we fell in love with each others differences. 

It's funny how we all strive to accept our neighbor but we needle our spouses for their shortcomings! God gave me a patient man who forgives easily...and I am grateful.
That's the great thing about getting older...what's essential is more clear to you everyday!

Easter... New Beginnings

Today a young man sang a song in church that moved me to tears...it wasn't the words although they were beautiful...it was the way he sang the song. He put everything he had into it, using his gift from God to his fullest potential. I wish I could sing like that...I so... can not! It's not my gift and certainly it wouldn't be from God if I did break out in song.
A yet, a new song is in my heart.

His song did remind me that for awhile, I haven't been using my gifts from God, to my full potential. I haven't any good excuses but rather instead deluded myself in thinking...that either my gifts weren't needed or worse maybe I never really had them to begin with. The trouble with this line of thinking is that while you may not use your gifts...God will make your passion bigger and bigger until you have to use them!

My husband and I have made some changes, for some time now we haven't worshiped at the same church as our children. They have each married wisely and they have each picked churches that were right for their families. While my head has understood all of this...my heart has missed them at every turn. I refer to this as "the ghost of children past". I have spent about 5 years missing my children in the halls of our church! I love our church and consider the people there our family but for the last two years, both my husband and myself quietly thought of leaving. Neither one of us wanted to hurt the other by bringing it up but this heaviness in our hearts persisted.

Our passion for serving the homeless led us to a new church where 200 are fed every Sunday morning, even Easter...or should I say, especially Easter! Their mission statement is simple and easy to remember... Making God's love real. It was our passion that led us to this church and our passion will lead us to serve there.

I will miss our old church family, as I miss worshiping with my children but I do know that we, together will always be a part of God's family!

I welcome new beginnings....Happy Easter!

The Big Day!

My youngest son is married. He has married wisely but then he is a smart guy. I look at these pictures and see how very blessed both our families are! This photographer also photographed our oldest son's wedding. His name is Victor Junco...visit his web site Victor's Pho-to-jour-nal-ism! These are just as sample as we haven't even got the proofs yet!

The blessed couple are going on their honeymoon cruise this weekend. I wish them...Bon Voyage!
(Click on the picture to enlarge)

A Father To Be Thankful For...

My Grandson got to meet Tom Turkey at his school's Thanksgiving feast...
He also noticed that the turkey had his father's legs!

Here is The-Cutest-Boy-In-America chasing his Dad the turkey!


Happy Thanksgiving! May you all be as happy as I am!

He's Getting Married Today!

My youngest son is getting married this morning...and we could not be any happier!
It's not a surprise as they have dated for seven years and we all see how much they love each other! But...we are so happy to have a new "Baer" family member and we love her almost as much as Ryan loves her!

3o Years of Fun and Joy!

My son's 30th birthday was on the 27th of this month...it's quite the milestone!


When I had him...I was quite young at 21...and.... s.c.a.r.e.d!
I have muddled through parenting...just trying to do the best I could...lot's of praying!




My oldest son changed my life and made me happier than I could have possibly imagined.


I simply did not know joy until I met him. I delighted in all things he did as Rob delights in all he does...he puts his heart into the task and...tries hard to make it fun!






Because of him...I wanted more and more children...I thought I had not wanted children...until I had him!
I love you Rob...Happy Birthday! Thank you...for all the joy you and your family bring me!


For more friday fotos and joy visit Candid Carrie!!

Looking For Contrast in the Dark.

I was looking at a friend's pictures of his vacation and he had taken an opportunity to try different lens settings for a unique look. Another bloggy friend had a picture that contrasted light and dark while capturing the moon and sunset in the same frame for a truly beautiful picture.

It got me thinking about my life...I have had some dark times lately but even in the midst of those times I have had some truly beautiful light filled moments.
I wonder... Is that where God is...Is he there in those moments...clearly that IS where and when I see him!
But...if He is there then and I do believe He is...then surely He is there in the dark, as well.
I don't always feel His presence in the dark times...but yet I know He is there.

If I don't always feel His presence ...How do I know He is there? Is God hidden in the shadows?

They say that hindsight is 20-20. I can look back at two incidents in my life that were the worst times of my life. If you would have told me at the time that those would be times God was blessing me... I would have said you were full of "proverbial stuff"!
But...God did bless me and while I would not want to relive any of it...I am glad that it happened because my family and I were made stronger.

I can look back on my life and clearly see that God was there and working in our lives and I believe He is here now...working in the dark.

Have a great week...I am trying to learn to manage a new work schedule and make time for my love of blogging. I am sorry I haven't visited in a while...I am looking forward to an extra hour to my day!

Turn... Turn... He's Four! Turn...Turn...He's Thirty!

The Cutest-Boy-In-America turned four and his Mama made him the coolest cake...he asked for a Dinosaur cake and he got it!


Russ Robinson took these great pictures and many others that day...this is my oldest son's oldest child...and this month my son turns 30! It seems like only yesterday he was the age of the Cutest-Boy-In-America...

Time flies....
Visit Cute Candid Carrie for more friday fotos!




Yes, he is biting it's head off!

Things You Learn From Being Unemployed

1. It's nice to have a steady paycheck...I mean really nice...and you miss it and remember it fondly!

2. You discover who your friends are...they are the ones who can still make eye contact when you say..."I am afraid and I am worried." They also don't say things like "Your unemployed and your over 50!"

3. You gain ten pounds...I don't know why... but you do.

4. You have to fight...I mean fight... the desire to nap for a reaaaaaalllllly long time.

5. You are grateful...really grateful when you do find work and you pray for others who are looking for work...because you have been there!

Squatters Rights?

It has been a busy, humbling week and ...then I got this picture on my cell phone from my son. So...I called my Mom to tell her that..
"Dad, is doing "his business" on the front lawn!"
Mom said "He is NOT! "
"He is and I have the photo!" I reply.
My Mom screams...
"OH, MY LORD!"
The moral of the story when you think you just can't be humbled anymore...you would be wrong!

I am kidding...My parents are having their bathrooms remodeled and my Dad has a wicked sense of humor!

For more friday fotos visit cute Candid Carrie.

Happy weekend!

Word...That Girl is Cute!

This picture was taken by Russ Robinson at my grandson's birthday party and I think he has great timing...and it does not hurt that the girl is so dang cute!

She is out-going, fearless, inquisitive, spunky-as-the-day-is-long and has the best laugh in the world!

Papa and Gigi love you sweetie!

Visit Russ Robinson's blog!


For more Wordful Wednesday's visit the ever perfect Angie at Seven Clown Circus who has an unwelcome visitor this week!

The Cutest-Boy-in-America

Today is the Cutest-boy-in-America's birthday and he is four as in...

"I am four, Gigi!"
He has made the world a better place and I am not exaggerating at all!
His mother once said "He will save the world!" and I laughed and I think I hurt her feelings!
She was right of course ...
as he did save the world!
I love you "Carter Pie!"

Thank you to my son and Daughter-in-my-heart for this amazing grandson of ours!

friday foto

When we were at Disney my oldest son stood for about 40 minutes trying to get a picture with my camera of his son going down the flume ride.






That's not them!








Not them either!







Nope.

































and there were about 30 others like this and then...woops...he missed it!
While the Cutest-Boy-in-America loved this ride... I loved watching my son try hard to capture his son's enthusiasm on film while I made a mental image of my son that I will cherish!
For more friday fotos visit Cute Candid Carrie!

The Lure of Dark Chocolate!!

The news gets me down but nothing this cute girl and dark chocolate can't cure!!

Like most of the women of our family...she likes Dark Chocolate!

Seriously...How cute!!!

Visit Angie at Seven Clown Circus for more Wordful Wednesdays!

Ad Man... The Cutest-Boy-In-America

Awhile ago I won a box full of Poprs and here is my grandson trying them! This is the cinnamon flavor and he put it on his toast for Cinnamon Toast! They have many, many different flavors...your kids will love them!
We have decided that The-Cutest-Boy-In-America (who just started pres-school on Monday) might make a terrific Ad Man!

Visit Aunt Julie for more about Poprs and to say "Hi"!

And for more Wordful Wednesdays visit Angie at Seven Clown Circus!